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| Day one: walking tour or Osciewim |
The beginning of the week we did local sightseeing
that was great, and very educational. On Monday, when we went to Auschwitz for
the first time I felt my life change before my eyes. On the walking tour
through the camp I kept pulling myself away from the group simply so I would
have less distractions. In doing this I closed myself off to feel the emotional
of the group. The most common feeling at the camps isn't a feeling at all; it's
nothing. It is precisely the feeling of nothing. Even when the camp is full of
people it still feels empty and quiet, which in itself is an experience. The
first time I felt the barrage of emotions was when we were in one of the
barracks. I turned around and looked out the open window and something just
clicked. My eyes watered, I felt the feelings I was anticipating, and in the moment
I saw beauty.
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| Auschwitz 1 |
There are no words that do justice to
the feelings that Auschwitz-Birkenau forces you to confront. Walking through
the gate and down the tracks where spouses were separated, children were ripped
from their parents and where people were selected for instant death left
another pit in my stomach. The enormity of the place is truly insane. Walking
from the front straight down to where two gas chambers now lie in ruins seems
to take at least 15 minutes, but to get to the pond of ashes or the mass graves
takes another 10 minutes. What remains of the camp stretches as far as the eye
can see. I can't imagine what it looked like when this factory of death was in
operation, despite spending each moment here attempting to understand
horror.
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| Auschwitz Birkenau |
I feel as though my journey of learning
the Shoah (Holocaust) has just begun. I have learned so much in the past few
days that I've lost the ability to comprehend additional information unless I
write it down. There are a few things this week that have left me speechless;
for instance, the room dedicated to the stolen hair of the prisoners, the children's
clothing and also the room with just a single hallway floor to ceiling filled
with shoes that will never be worn again. It's a bit easier to figure what it
looks like to have all those shoes filled, but what isn't easy to imagine is
what 6 million faces look like. My friend, Jordan Darling, commented during a
reflection today that we won't even meet 6 million people in our
lifetime-wow.
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| Children's shoes in Auschwitz 1 |
I'm not the best at math or numbers but
6 million or even the grand total of 11 million people to never walk this earth
again is breath taking. It steals your breath in a way that despite the length
of this post, will always be indescribable. I was walking around some of the
national exhibits that are up in Auschwitz 1 and stumbled upon these panels in
the Netherlands exhibit. About 15 panels that simply look black from far away,
but when up close I discovered it is a giant list of names, thousands upon
thousands of names. In the Israeli Nation Exhibit there was this massive book filled with the names of 4 million people. This book is by far the biggest book I have ever ever seen and will probably ever see. They were remembered; what matters most is to never forget. This minority of those who are named are the lucky ones. There are
countless prisoners who lost their identity the second they entered the camps
only to be left with a number. A huge portion of those who died never had their
names returned to them, they will forever remain a number. Even more were
murdered before they could have a number assigned- sent immediately to the gas
chambers. I chose to transfer to Iona College so I wouldn't be a number; these
prisoners were forced to become a number.
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| The Book Of Names in Auschwitz 1 |
Looking back at the notes I jotted down
quickly some days I find it easy to get a better idea of the emotions I was
feeling and the things I learned simply because now that I've seen the majority
of what the camp has to offer its not so overwhelming. The anticipation of
getting to the camps was almost dreadful. Now that I've been multiple times I
simply feel as though I haven't been enough. We leave Poland tomorrow and I'm
not sure when I'll be back next, and I am sure I'll be back. 22 million eyes
never to see again, 11 million lives ended too soon and all I have to give in
my one life is to look with my 2 eyes upon the lives of those who died all too
soon, and never to forget.
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| Town square in Oswiecim |
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| View of Auschwitz- Birkenau from the guard tower |
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